he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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