there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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