i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
