he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
