THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize