it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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