I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize