I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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