I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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