Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
