You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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