We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
