it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
