I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have aggressive nipples.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
