i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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