New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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