Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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