I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
