You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we're making bets on your personal life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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