I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize