dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
