Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
