so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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