I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
