True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
