Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
