yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
