Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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