That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize