Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
