fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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