how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
