Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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