drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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