Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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