She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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