we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Less talking, more tequila
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
