so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
