It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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