My first STD was from a foam party
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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