it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
