I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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