Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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