May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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