I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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