she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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