i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
