I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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