sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
