the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
