Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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