So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
