I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
