Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
