Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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