My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
