ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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