You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize