there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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