You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
