The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
COCAINE IS GR8
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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