there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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