Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
