your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You left your phone here
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