there's paper in my vomit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize