Umm I'm too high to move.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You work out of a Hotel?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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