Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
