my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
