I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
