I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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