I bet he comes in French.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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