STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
