That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
