I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
