my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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