You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
