I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize