Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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