I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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