I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
