Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
