haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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