Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
