She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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