You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize