I am midnight drunk by noon
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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