Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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