things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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