That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
