You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
