Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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