I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still have a little drunk in my system
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
