wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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