it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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