this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
