Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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