okay pat passed out under dana's car
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
