dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
