The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
