Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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