Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize