ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
