ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
