I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
