We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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