I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
