I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
