he thought i was a dude.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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